Statement of Purpose.
Three words on an otherwise blank word document stared back at me.
The 4am silence around me amplified the quiet humming of my beaten up laptop but yet remained far from the chaotic thoughts running in my mind.
How was a 22-year-old supposed to have any purpose? How was a 22 year old supposed to determine what it was? How was a 22 year old to know where to look for any purpose ?
Sighing for the umpteenth time in the past 2 hours of staring at the screen, I gave up. “Deadlines are looming” I heard my mother’s voice in my head. Pushing it away, I put my laptop to sleep, even though I seemed to have lost mine.
Shutting out my mother and deadlines only opened avenues for me to go back to that conversation.
I was never meeting him again. So many questions raced through my mind, each mercilessly unanswered. I half smirked as I realised, it wasn’t like I was entitled to any, but why was I so bothered about it? When I signed up I knew what this was about, and a month later, today when clocked my last 8.5 hours as his intern I knew this was it.
He had been phenomenal as a teacher, more than a boss. There was so much to learn just from watching the guy work.
My stubborn mind started to throw guesses at a pace I couldn’t keep up with.
What was he thinking? He wasn’t!
How could he? He probably doesn’t know either.
It was COLUMBIA! Really? Stop with that will you?
But, how is it possible to decide? Its rare.
What about his goals? *no answer*
What about his dreams? *ermm*
How inspiring was this guy? Way more than going to Columbia would’ve made him.
My mind wouldn’t get tired, I knew. I dug out my phone from under my pillow.
What? Why was he online? It 5:15am. Another question? Really?
I obviously didn’t want to type but once his online turned to typing I froze.
“Hi Arya, this isn’t your boss. You’d wonder why he was awake at this hour, he isn’t! This is Riya here. I have spent the night listening to him talk about you, your ambition to go abroad and study, just like him and follow his footsteps. Says he sees a lot of the younger himself in you. He told me everything about the conversation you two had today. He hasn’t really shared his reasons for leaving University with anyone, specially not an intern. And girl to girl, I knew you would be throwing whys and hows at yourself.
Damn woman, how did you know?!
We may probably never meet, but I only have to say, what he did was very brave, what he did was choose someone else over himself, what he said to you today was to give you a bigger picture.
A picture that doesn’t show the world revolving around what you want, as much as you want it to, life will not go the way you plan. There will be unexpected twists, decisions that are life changing and situations which test every shred of courage you have. Leaving behind his dream wasn’t easy, but not regretting the decisions you make is.
I don’t know what love is, if not having the ability to choose them over you.
How you come out on the other side, is all that matters. Luckily for me, it was to be his Mrs! Good luck to you. Love from both of us.”
Holding back tears, I could only write back,”Thank you for showing me that the one thing we can’t live without? That’s where our purpose lies. “
Needless to say, within minutes the laptop was humming again.
– Shagun P*